Sunday, May 16, 2010

Man Weekend?

I'm calling it a mans weekend, but with every bit of heterosexuality I can muster. Gorging lots of red meat with Red Robin burgers followed by watching grown men in battle getting shot through the neck with arrows in Robin Hood the movie, and a Saturday of pure manly craftsmanship. Lots and lots of testosterone. Nothing but unmistakable rugged manhood.
Shane, however, did cause me to question his strapping "manly-man" exterior during this little encounter we had at the theatre. After purchasing goodies and snacks at the theatre (note to self- NEVER do that again. No matter how retarded you look trying to sneak food in, its SO worth the dollars saved), we made our way back to the show. As we rounded the corner, I spied an outrageously beautiful blonde bombshell standing next to what appeared to be her stupid muscle-head of a boyfriend. The dialogue was as follows: 

Me- Holy crap!!
Shane- What?
Me- Did you see that?!?
Shane- Oh, that? Yeah, they're heads are always weird shaped though.
Me (Confused and taking another look)- Really? I don't see anything wrong at all...
Shane- Dude, when they get that big, they're heads look disproportionate.
Me (extremely confused)- Dude, are you really that picky? That girl is flawless!
Shane- Wait, what?
Me- (pointing out the girl)...
Shane- Oh... (starts laughing)
Me- Who where you talking about?
Shane- That guy standing next to her. He's ripped!

We had a good laugh about that one!
The next day Shane and I built stuff with our bare hands. Real manly stuff I tell ya! His new apartment has no furniture, so we started work on a kitchen table and some chairs... Here's a sneak peak of the project.
The work bench

Just got done cutting out the legs while Shane grinds out the main supports

A few hours later after sanding and routering 

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

120 Days of Summer

Not unlike a New Years Resolution list, a "Summer To-Do List" must be made. My New Years list is almost always a fictional thing since I have never actually made one. Its usually something I just "think" about while sitting on the toilet (aka think tank), but the thought never makes it past the first wipe. I do, however, spend much more time on my summer list. Its much more entertaining to make, and oh, so satisfying to cross off an accomplished goal (and have the pictures to prove it). This list is completely spontaneous so I can guarantee it will need to be added to (a few more "think tank" sessions should solve that).

-Snow Shack
-Dam Sliding
-Work on my golf game so I can beat J-Willy when he gets back
-Tennis Tournaments (especially under the summer night lights)
-4th of July Extravaganza (Rafting the, Hoback, BBQ, Fireworks show in IF)
-Climb the Grand Teton
-Playmill Theatre
-Yellowstone, WY
-Mesa, AZ
-Los Angeles, CA
-Go shirtless for one entire day
-Sleep under the stars
-Huckleberry Days at Bear Lake
-Pick up soccer games
-Scooter rides
-Hogle Zoo
-Bee's baseball games
-Weekly concerts at the Gallivan Center in SLC
-Float Provo river
-Mini Golf Tournaments
-Drive-In movies
-Seven Peaks
-Dunk Ball games
-USANA Concerts
-Las Vegas, NV
-Bike rides
-Jump off the apartment roof into the pool
-Utilize the water balloon launcher
-Make a bigger/better potato gun
-Spend a full day out on the lake
-Finally participate in the legendary "Scatter Ball"
-Hike Mt. Timpanogos
-Weekly BBQ's
-St. George, UT
-Havasupi Trip
-Home Run derby
-Elementary Playground games (butt ball, 4 square, etc.)
-Summer movie releases (Iron Man 2, Robin Hood, Toy Story 3, etc.)
-Zions National Park
-Moab Trip
-Night Games in the park
-Learn to Paint

Feel free adding to "The List"/participate in carrying out "The List"... Suggestions and comments are generally accepted. Remember, there are no stupid questions- just stupid people.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Wavin' Flag

Every so often I come across something that penetrates its way through my extremely manly exterior and tugs at my little heart strings. This video did that... It's a good song for a good cause. Check it out.

A rendition of this song has also been selected as the 2010 World Cup Anthem. Can't wait for that!

Monday, April 26, 2010

Like Hell On Lightning

Its weird how your brain works in the wee early hours of the morning while you're still in bed trying to get the motivation to get up. 5:00am. Time to get up. After a small wresting match with the down comforter (which never felt so comforting), I coaxed myself out from under its loving grasp. As soon as my feet hit the floor the adrenaline hit. Race day! And not just any race day, IMCCC Championships (Inter-Mountain Collegiate Cycling Conference).
The IMCCC Championship is a 3 stage race over 2 days. Criterium on Friday followed by a TTT (Team Time Trial) and Road Race on Saturday.
As I ran out the door I crammed a PB n' J down my throat. Hardly appetizing this early in the morn, but I had to get something in my system. That sandwich never really settled well.
Arriving at the start/finish line, it was like an ant hill. A whole mess of teams scrambling to get everything ready to go for the TTT. Luckily we had Joe (a team member who opted out of racing to be the race EMT, thus allowing everyone to race. A gentleman and a scholar- thanks). All we had to do was worry about our warm-up, Joe took care of the rest. 
Since this post will be mainly about the TTT, allow me to explain the basics of our little race. A TTT is a sprint race over a relatively short distance, in our case a 14 mile course (7 out and 7 back). We had 4 man teams, but the time stopped when the back wheel of the third man came across the finish. The forth mans purpose (me) was to "burn out" with about 2 miles left, sling-shoting the remaining three ahead with maximum speed, like hell on lightning.
The four of us rolled up to the start line. The feeling right before a race is indescribable. I tried just to focus on my breathing while a million thoughts rushed through my head head. Joe stood next to us giving some last minute coaching, reminding us all of our duties at each mile marker. "Go hard, don't look back and give 'em hell!" Seems simple enough. 
"Riders, 10 seconds", the official announced. Where a racers mind goes in those never ending seconds is beyond me, but I was there. There was complete silence as I starred at the open road ahead of us. It was about to be the longest 14 miles of my life. "5... 4... 3... 2... 1... GO!" The cheers of the crowds rushed back into my head. And so it began.
The cheers quickly faded as we made our way out of the park and onto the country roads. Nothing but the sound of wind rushing by us as we averaged almost 30mph. I still felt good at mile 7, the turn around point. "Don't fall over", was the advice shouted as we entered the hair pin turn to start back for the finish line. This was our only opportunity to get a look at the position of our competition. Teams whizzed by us. We gave shout outs to the other two UVU teams as we passed ways.
Then came my burn out point. 3 miles left, time to bring it home. I got to the front, put my head down, tucked my arms in and pushed myself as hard as I could go. I pedaled until it felt like my veins pumped battery acid and my heart was going to explode out of my chest... then I pedaled some more. Then came the black-out point, when after a scream of pain, I knew I was done. I dropped of the group as they sprinted the last 2 miles to the finish.
The sound of cheers came back as I coasted through the finish. Incoherent to most of the congratulatory words, I rolled over to the team and joined them in attempts to stand on shaking legs. Some were dry heaving. For the most part everyone was smiling, because we knew how fast we had just rode.
As the other teams sprinted to the finish, the results rolled in. We had taken 1st place in our category. Gold medal. Somehow, that made all the pain worth it.
Later that day we raced in a road race, where UVU had someone in the top 3 finishers of every category.
Early morning preparations

Luke, Matt, Danny and myself on the start line, waiting for the countdown while Joe gives some last words of advice

High fives for the other UVU Team as they dry-heave after finishing

3 of the 4 TTT Gold medalists (USU grabbed second)

Preparing for the afternoon road race

Waiting for our turn to start

Listening as the race official talks about something

And we're off 

The first of two 25 mile laps around West Mountain

Me and a converted UVU fan from Weber State

Part of the group after an amazing race weekend

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

BYU Graduate.... Wait, what?

My "list of shananigans" is far too long and distinguished to recall each act individually. But, this week marks the One Year Anniversary of one of my better spoofs. Allow me to paint a picture for you.
Its April 24, 2009. The Johnson brothers Shane and Daniel are graduating from BYU, in the Management and Exercise Science department, respectively. Daniel's graduation ceremony is first. Being the good friend that I am, I decided to clear my terribly busy schedule packed with tennis, swimming and of course sleeping. 
To give a short summary of what a graduation ceremony is like- it was like pulling teeth for 3 hours (and I hate the dentist). The very thought of having to sit through yet another one made me want to dry heave. 
So, I thought to myself, "Self, how would YOU transform the next 5 hours of boredom into a memorable experience?" What can only be described as a stroke of genius is what followed...
Yours truly, as a 2009 BYU Business Management Graduate
"But wait, you don't go to BYU. You're not a student at "de Lordz University" (said in a Nacho Libre accent). No, I am not. I am however a extremely cunning, devilishly witty and remarkably persuasive person. Lets rewind the clock about one hour...
Realizing the rare opportunity before me, I decided to capitalize on a once in a lifetime event. I borrowed Daniel's cap and gown, and ran down with Shane to sit with the graduates. We were late (fashionably) and the show was already underway with important BYU people speaking. As we were running around an usher grabbed us. "Are you boys graduating?" (This was it. The moment of no return. I'm either all in or taking the easy way out and sitting through another few hours of horrific boredom...) "Yes Sir, both of us!" (I couldn't help but smile with confidence). "Well, we better get you boys checked in." (Wait, what?)
The old man hastily led us to a booth where two women sat with cards that had the approved graduates names on them. "Name please..." As Shane rattled his name off, I stood sweating bullets, fumbling words in my head. She turned to me, waiting for me to reply. I gave her my name knowing she wouldn't find it in the cards. Crap, I'm busted for sure. She shook her head as she scanned the cards a second time. "I'm not finding your name here." Ding! Light bulb.
I told a little fib. A long, yet very believable little fib. I am not able to reveal my crafty methods of flattery and guile, but by the end of our conversation, we were laughing together as she handed me a card with my name hand written on it, congratulated the two of us and wished us well in our endeavors after graduation. "Sorry for the confusion," she said. Such a sweet lady.
The other graduates were already lining up to walk across the stage. The usher led us to the hallway where they were lined up and told us to hop in line alphabetically. Of course, I didn't want to go it alone. It just wouldn't be as funny. I borrowed a pencil to erase and change my last name to something with a "J" (Shane's last name is Johnson). Changes were as follows... 
Peterson-Jeterson-Jeferson-Jefferson. Eric Jefferson. Perfect.
Being the rather social person that I am, my only problem was seeing people that knew me and knew that I didn't go to BYU. I spotted a few friends and just kind-of tilted my cap to cover my face until I could slip past them. 
Then the moment came. The line led out into the middle of the Marriott Center filled with spectators. Here I was about to pull off the shananigan of a lifetime. I was so excited and proud of myself for having pulled it off. I wore a smile from ear to ear, like the Grinch right before he stole Christmas.
"Eric Jefferson" was announced and I walked proudly up the ramp and onto the stage. There stood the Dean of the Marriott Business School with his hand outstretched. "Congratulations son", he said as I shook his hand. "Thank you sir, I still can't believe I did it." He obviously thought I was talking about all the hard work required to graduate college. 
We turned for a picture (the one posted above) and I walked off stage, chest held high. I was proud of myself.
Turns out, a lot of family friends saw my face on the projector screen and called my parents back home to say how cool it was to see me graduate. That night, a phone call from my dad went something like this...
Dad- "I heard you graduated today!" 
Me- "Well, kind-of, yeah."
Dad- "Why the hell didn't you tell us?!? We would've come down to watch you! Instead we have to hear about it from everyone in the ward?" (Word travels ridiculously fast in Idaho Falls).
Thats right, my parents didn't think twice about the fact that I had "graduated" from BYU. They were just pissed I didn't invite them to the ceremony. I had to remind them that I was not a BYU student and at the time I still had two more years of school before I officially graduated. They eventually had a good laugh about it.
So folks, if you ever have a crazy idea, don't hesitate. Just do it. Whether it works or not, at least you'll have some pretty funny memories to talk about.