Unhealthy Obsessions

If I had to draw up a list that consisted of the most inconceivably gratifying joys in my life, somewhere among the ranks would be receiving mail, and Samoas Girl Scout Cookies.
With that said, this morning an ordinary mail-man preformed a feat rarely witnessed. In fact, some may consider it unfeasible. A mail-man killed... nay, slaughtered two birds with one stone. A package with my name holding not one, not two but THREE boxes of Samoas (I love my mommy)!
Im not sure that I could properly transcribe my sincere adoration for these tiny delights. I could however explain my general behavior when in the presence of said cookies. I have been known to be rather territorial with them and harbor them from others, not unlike mother bear with her cubs, or Schmiegel with his "precious" ring... 
I've been anticipating this time of year for the sole purpose of indulging in the magical flavors of Samoas. Earlier this year, I got an early craving that had to be satisfied. My lustful appetite led me to what I thought to be a solution to the problem. Dreyers Slow Churned Limited Edition Samoas Ice Cream. It was anything but impressive and hardly satisfying. Dryers only aroused my appetite without bedding 'er back down, leaving me waiting... wanting... Until now! 
Now that the cookie season is in full swing, I've turned over all my cash funds to my trustworthy friend, Jeff. I do this because of my lack of self control when it comes to cookies and impulse buying. If by my lonesome I were to run across a cookie stand with a wallet full of cash, I would get caught up in the passion of the moment and have to explain to my roommates how I lost all my money to a Girl Scout.
Many thanks go out to all who have made this possible. The Girls Scouts for selling them, my mother for buying them, and the mail man for handling the package with such care all the way to my door step.
Nutrition Facts: So far today I have consumed 1,125 calories of Girl Scout cookies, and the day's not over (I've got a real bad case of the midnight munchies).

Midget Ninja Criminals

Laundry day is a bitter sweet day for me. The "sweet" side of the deal is that I get a basket full of clean clothes with the resplendent scent of Downy April Fresh dryer sheets (which I highly recommend). The horribly annoying "bitter" side is that I always, without fail, walk away from the laundry room short handed. Sometime between the process of loading my clothes into the washer and pulling them out of the dryer, my socks and underwear are disappearing! 
Where are they going? I've ruled out the possibility of black holes and temporary time portals which could have been created during the spin cycle that transports the M.I.A. clothing into some moment in the future (if you come across a gain pile of miss matched socks and other random clothes, you've found it!). 
The only logical explanation for the absent attire is Midget Ninja Criminals! They slink into the laundry room with maximum stealth and run off like a thief in the night with just one sock, or with just one part of my usually paired "special" underwear (and I'm not talking about my spiderman undies with matching t-shirt... if they stole that, I'd be pissed). 
And what do they want with just one sock, or just one undershirt? Why don't they steal from someone their own size? Be on the look out for a dwarf man wearing one sock thats too big, and an undershirt that fits like a muumuu. If spotted, you've stumbled upon a kleptomaniac and he should not be trusted. 


Curse you Midget Ninja Thieves! 


P.S. If anyone knows how to go about apprehending/capturing/exterminating such a delinquent, feel free to enlighten me with your clever strategies. 

Slashing Jupiter

There are a few circumstances in which a man such as myself cannot be expected to be burdened down by the regular schedule of an aspiring college student. Today was one of those days. It's a simple equation really. Continuous snow storms over any prolonged period of time followed by a break in the clouds equals a perfect blue- bird day with magnanimous amounts of an addicting white drug I call snow. If only I could get a note from Mother Nature excusing my absences.

Since we only had a half day, Dayne and I decided to ride Park City to capitalize on our minimal time frame. Our ultimate destination was to hike up Jupiter Peak on the back side of the resort and catch a few fresh lines.

On Jupiter Access, making our way to the pot of gold.

Our first ascent/descent was a little cloudy, but we caught some untouched lines.

The clouds cleared up and brought a few sun beams our way.

The retreat back down through the resort.

Unfortunately, neither of us are "Kodak Moment" kind of guys. Our moments captures always seem to be pre and post operation shots. I'll work on that. Besides that, it was a successful day. Enjoyed the fresh air, hiked a mountain or two, discovered fresh lines, dropped some cliffs, caught some powder face-shots, took a few epic slashes and celebrated with high fives and fist pumps. Can life get any better?

Taco Tuesday

Taco Tuesday + 3 tacos for $1 = a whole heap of trash!

Fugitive of the Law

Everyone gets the same feeling when they see police lights in the rear view (sinking feeling in your stomach, irregular heart beat, slight momentary panic), because you know odds are you'll be driving away from the situation with ticket that most likely will ruin your day. Truth is, I miss those days of getting off with nothing but a slip of paper with an imposed fee to be paid. My last two experiences of police lights creeping behind me have ended with me driving away, not in my own vehicle, but in the first class luxury back seat of a squad car, adorned with two fancy metal bracelets that so conveniently happen to be chained together.

First Arrest

December 30, 2009

St. Anthony, ID

11:32pm

Most people spend their Christmas break with family and friends anticipating the new year, wondering how they could send out the previous year with a bang! Solution: Get arrested and spend a night in jail. Thats making memories you'll never forget.

On my way back from a cabin in Island Park, ID I was pulled over for excessive velocity in a speed zone. The thick snow storm left the signs completely covered and visibility was minimal, not to mention the irrelevant fact of the freezing temperatures of -25 degrees. The officer asked for the proper documents and retreated back to the warmth of his truck. After a uncomfortably long wait, he came back and asked me to step out of the vehicle. 

"The computer shows you have a warrant out for your arrest." Awesome. And I thought the drive home would be uneventful. He instructed me to place my hands on the hood and put my feet shoulder width apart. After a quick search, he slapped a pair of cuffs on me threw me in the back seat of his truck. At least I wasn't alone, as there was a huge German-Shepard drug dog sharing the back seat. Only a thin chain link style barrier held this man killing machine from eating my face off. For the duration of the ride to the police station, the dog had its nose pressed against the barrier, literally breathing down my neck, and growling every time I turned to look at him. I attempted a starring contest with the beast, but that drove him into attack mode. I made an effort to break further awkward silence with the officer by throwing a few ice breakers at him (conversation starters, not the minty fresh gum). My sarcastic ways did no good at chipping away the barrier over the mans cold dark heart.

I was reminded of a time during my high school days when I shared the back seat of a squad car with my friend Justin Blair. The sliding window to the front seat was open, and there stood vertically a loaded shot gun. As dozens of police officers swarmed around the vehicle, I tried to lighten the mood of our gloomy situation by daring Justin to just reach for the gun. We laughed about the possible outcomes, but luckily he didn't take my dare.

Getting back to the story, I arrived at the Fremont County Jail, where they took most of my belongings (including my shoes), lined up for a mug shot, and waited for a someone to post my $2010 bail. Tayler Heninger proved her loyalty as a friend that night as she endured constant cat calls and teasing from the guards and fabricated a story believable enough for her to finally be able to post bail.

Second Arrest

February 20, 2010

Orem, UT

11:07pm

What originated as a late night run to WalMart to acquire party supplies for a birthday surprise (that rhymes) turned out to be yet another night that I would get more than I bargained for. This time I was joined by a whole mess of friends, all piled in the truck. This only added to the humiliation of the ordeal, and in their eyes sealed my reputation as an "on-edge bad boy/ fugitive of the law/ unlucky" individual. Apparently someone had neglected to remove the warrant for my arrest (the cause of the first arrest, an unpaid ticket) which I had already taken care of months ago.

So after another set of handcuffs and a back seat car ride, another friendship was put through the testing flames. Jeff Faught pulled through and posted bail for me with cash from his wallet (still don't know where he got all that dough).

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am officially a "JAIL BIRD" and/or a "CRIMINAL", whichever you prefer. Feel fortunate to know me, and make sure to answer your phone if I call you late at night... I might need you to bail me out of jail.