Fugitive of the Law

Everyone gets the same feeling when they see police lights in the rear view (sinking feeling in your stomach, irregular heart beat, slight momentary panic), because you know odds are you'll be driving away from the situation with ticket that most likely will ruin your day. Truth is, I miss those days of getting off with nothing but a slip of paper with an imposed fee to be paid. My last two experiences of police lights creeping behind me have ended with me driving away, not in my own vehicle, but in the first class luxury back seat of a squad car, adorned with two fancy metal bracelets that so conveniently happen to be chained together.

First Arrest

December 30, 2009

St. Anthony, ID

11:32pm

Most people spend their Christmas break with family and friends anticipating the new year, wondering how they could send out the previous year with a bang! Solution: Get arrested and spend a night in jail. Thats making memories you'll never forget.

On my way back from a cabin in Island Park, ID I was pulled over for excessive velocity in a speed zone. The thick snow storm left the signs completely covered and visibility was minimal, not to mention the irrelevant fact of the freezing temperatures of -25 degrees. The officer asked for the proper documents and retreated back to the warmth of his truck. After a uncomfortably long wait, he came back and asked me to step out of the vehicle. 

"The computer shows you have a warrant out for your arrest." Awesome. And I thought the drive home would be uneventful. He instructed me to place my hands on the hood and put my feet shoulder width apart. After a quick search, he slapped a pair of cuffs on me threw me in the back seat of his truck. At least I wasn't alone, as there was a huge German-Shepard drug dog sharing the back seat. Only a thin chain link style barrier held this man killing machine from eating my face off. For the duration of the ride to the police station, the dog had its nose pressed against the barrier, literally breathing down my neck, and growling every time I turned to look at him. I attempted a starring contest with the beast, but that drove him into attack mode. I made an effort to break further awkward silence with the officer by throwing a few ice breakers at him (conversation starters, not the minty fresh gum). My sarcastic ways did no good at chipping away the barrier over the mans cold dark heart.

I was reminded of a time during my high school days when I shared the back seat of a squad car with my friend Justin Blair. The sliding window to the front seat was open, and there stood vertically a loaded shot gun. As dozens of police officers swarmed around the vehicle, I tried to lighten the mood of our gloomy situation by daring Justin to just reach for the gun. We laughed about the possible outcomes, but luckily he didn't take my dare.

Getting back to the story, I arrived at the Fremont County Jail, where they took most of my belongings (including my shoes), lined up for a mug shot, and waited for a someone to post my $2010 bail. Tayler Heninger proved her loyalty as a friend that night as she endured constant cat calls and teasing from the guards and fabricated a story believable enough for her to finally be able to post bail.

Second Arrest

February 20, 2010

Orem, UT

11:07pm

What originated as a late night run to WalMart to acquire party supplies for a birthday surprise (that rhymes) turned out to be yet another night that I would get more than I bargained for. This time I was joined by a whole mess of friends, all piled in the truck. This only added to the humiliation of the ordeal, and in their eyes sealed my reputation as an "on-edge bad boy/ fugitive of the law/ unlucky" individual. Apparently someone had neglected to remove the warrant for my arrest (the cause of the first arrest, an unpaid ticket) which I had already taken care of months ago.

So after another set of handcuffs and a back seat car ride, another friendship was put through the testing flames. Jeff Faught pulled through and posted bail for me with cash from his wallet (still don't know where he got all that dough).

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am officially a "JAIL BIRD" and/or a "CRIMINAL", whichever you prefer. Feel fortunate to know me, and make sure to answer your phone if I call you late at night... I might need you to bail me out of jail.